Hello fine shopkeeper, I would like to buy a chocolate bar.

What?! Shopkeeper, I demand that you sell this man no chocolate. 

Why not?

Because you’re not allowed to have chocolate!

Who said that I cannot have chocolate?

It’s the rules!

That rule doesn’t make sense.

Who cares, anyway – you already have carob chocolate.

I don’t want carob chocolate.

But you have it!

So what?

Other people like carob chocolate.

And if that makes them happy, good for them. But I don’t want carob chocolate. I want actual chocolate.

Why isn’t carob chocolate good enough?

First, have you ever actually tried carob chocolate? Second, there are fundamental differences beyond taste – there are benefits that come with actual chocolate that you do not get with carob. And even if there wasn’t, actual chocolate makes me happy. Isn’t that the point?

But it will change my chocolate!

How? You already have a Mars Bar and I want to get a Snickers.

That’s disgusting!

Why?

It has peanuts in it.

I like peanuts. More importantly, my getting a Snickers is ideal for you, as it has no impact on your ability to enjoy your Mars Bar. If anything, it increase space on the shelf for more Mars Bars, should people who like Mars Bars want one. I don’t have any interest in your Mars Bar. Mars Bars are kind of gross.

How dare you?! Mars Bars are the way the Mars Confectionary Company intended them to be!

I think you’ll find that the Mars Confectionary Company also make Snickers. They’re okay with it. I don’t understand where this hostility is coming from – my Snickers will not turn your Mars Bar into a Snickers.

It’s disgusting! You can’t have chocolate! Next you’ll want a Funsize Snickers!

What do funsized bars have to do with anything?

That’s what this is about! You want to get funsized bars when they deserve to be with someone who has a Mars Bar to do whatever. It’s not right.

Given how many fun-sized bars are languishing in bags, or being moved from shelf to shelf, never actually being taken out of the shop,  if someone goes through the rigorous process of vetting, probing, and loss of privacy that is involved in getting fun-sized bars and is successful, then they more than likely deserves to have all the fun-sized bars they want. However, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the issue at hand, which is my getting a regular Snickers bar. Shopkeeper, may I ask why this person I have never met before is stopping me from buying chocolate.

IT IS THEIR RIGHT.

How? Why? Did they do something incredible like cure cancer or slay a dragon to hold this kind of authority over my ability to get chocolate?

NOT THAT I AM AWARE OF.

Then why don’t you just let me get chocolate and not have to deal with this weird conversation?

YOU SHOULD JUST TRY TO SORT THIS OUT BETWEEN YOURSELVES.

Why do you even want chocolate anyway?

Because it’s delicious, delightful, and is something I’ve always wanted. My friends have gotten it in other shops, I don’t see what your problem is.

Why don’t you go there then?

I live here. This is my local shop. I’d like to get chocolate here and be able to share it with all of the people close to me. Why exactly are you stopping me from getting chocolate? 

I’m stopping you because someone has to! My conscience demands it!

Would you prevent someone in a wheelchair getting a Mars Bar?

No, that’s racist.

I think you’ll find that it’s ableist, but yeah. Would you stop someone who is a different ethnicity to you from getting a Mars Bar?

No, that’s actual racist.

Okay – why? 

It’s wrong to stop someone from having rights for something about themselves that is normal and cannot be changed. 

So why are you being a homophobe?

I am not a homophobe!

By deciding that someone is not entitled to the same rights as you or anyone else because of something that is inherent to them – in this case, their sexuality – you are discriminating against someone and since said discrimination is based around their sexuality, yes, you are being homophobic. You are actively making a decision based on your viewpoint to deny them civil rights because of something fundamental to who they are. Being gay or lesbian, trans or queer, these are inherent and immutable to a person, not lifestyle choices.  You are preventing them from getting and enjoying the same quality of life as you.

I’m being silenced!

No. You’re not. You’re being a dick. #VoteYes.

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